More than 15 years of CASA* research on teens and substance abuse finds that a child who gets through age 21 without smoking, using illegal drugs or abusing alcohol is virtually certain never to do so and that the greatest influence on teens is parents. Over those years, from thousands of emails, letters and calls from concerned parents like you, we've become convinced that you do not appreciate the power you have to raise healthy, drug free kids and how best to exercise that power. So we're writing a new book, Parent Power, to help you.
Despite the fact that alcohol and other drugs are readily available to teenagers, parents do have the power to raise drug free kids. We want Parent Power to address the questions, concerns and real life situations you parents and your teens face everyday.
CASA’s 2007 National Survey of American Attitudes on Substance Abuse finds that teens who say they are among the most popular kids at their school are likelier to have friends who drink, smoke and use drugs.
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I listened and asked her what happened? what were reactions from other friends, etc.?
Asked why they were telling me and how they felt about it. Asked if they were using too. Discussed how those who use drugs and alcohol cannot socialize with those that dont.
Fortunately, our kids have been doing a good job of selecting friends and there has not been much of a problem. However, there have been a few instances when two of our boys have come home unexpectedly and told us that they encountered a situation when other boys were either smoking or drinking and decided to leave. We have worked hard at teaching them that they need to decide in advance what to do, which makes it easier if they encounter a difficult situation. It seems this effort is paying off.
We help our kids understand that they need to have friends with the same standards they have. So far this has worked rather well. We teach them that they will not be successful at changing a friend who uses drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. We teach them to avoid that person until they change their life. Our kids have actually come to us and told us that they left when a problem came up, so we feel that our efforts that began when they were young are paying off now that they are teens.
We listened and used the experience to ask questions regarding the incident and the opportunity to talk about how they thought and felt. One of my sons high school friends atttempted suicide and they all went to the hospital to see him and rather than protecting him, the parents allowed the the visiting teens to experience everything he was going through and in our case it was a true wake up call for our son. That vision was with him for a long while.
I asked them about how they felt about it, if they felt they should continue to hang out with that person and why, if they felt the choice that person made really made them a true friend in their definition of the word, how the person’s parents reacted or if they know (but I do not “narc” on them unless my kids were doing the same behavior). They both know someone that has been in treatment as a teen, and one of my kids knows someone that committed suicide by overdosing on their parent’s pain pills - both instances that we didn’t push talking about until some time had passed because they are scary and my kids really didn’t believe it would happen to someone they know.
I asked if that friend’s parents drug and alcohol test their child (the way we random test our children age 13 - 18 on a monthly basis). Of course, the answer was no.
Talked about it, discussed why that might be a bad idea, and if I even marginally know the parent and know that the parent isn’t also doing drugs I let them know so that they can deal with it.
My daughters told me when they were juniors in high school that lots of their peers were doing heroin. I was shocked of course, since we were from a very small town (5,000 population). But when I heard that, I told them about a high school acquaintance of mine who lost his son to heroin, apparently from a “first time” experiment using the drug. We talked about all the drugs of abuse including prescription drugs. I was honest with them and answered al their questions. I stressed the importance of not doing drugs and how important it is today to not have a drug record when you go on job interviews and how drug abuse ruins lives permanently within a very short time. Fortunately, they listened.
Through my daughter I have learned that most kids love to tell their parents what other people are doing. Kids are smart. They know how to manipulate parents into believing that they are communicating and bonding. Meanwhile, they are getting high themselves. Don’t be fooled. A very high percentage of kids use drugs and or alcohol while still in high school. Too many parents think it is the other parent’s child who is doing it.
WE’ve handled a couple kids. Its really easy to find out why they are using. Then handle that!
Its either physical or mental pain that has them start. The other killer is a lack of goals and dreams….get their attention on soemthing they want to have, do, be! There you go…..drug free life is worth getting that!
Few Children dream about going to Juvie! they had dreams and got shut down. Dare to help a kid dream again….its miraculous what one person can do to help.
Hi, I received a phone call from a good friend this evening. She called to tell me she heard a rumor from her son that my son is friends with two boys who are dealing pot and that my son is smoking pot. I was surprised to hear this. How do I proceed.? If I ask my son he can say its not true. Then what? Any advice?
I would first speak with my child to ask him why he thought this friend was using drug or drinking alcohol. I would make it a point of getting to know this child and speak with him or her as to why he or she was drinking/drugging. Depending on what this child tells me, would guide me as to what I would do, but I would definitely include my child in on what my intent/goals were to try to get the friend to make better choices.
STAY AWAY FROM THEM.