More than 15 years of CASA* research on teens and substance abuse finds that a child who gets through age 21 without smoking, using illegal drugs or abusing alcohol is virtually certain never to do so and that the greatest influence on teens is parents. Over those years, from thousands of emails, letters and calls from concerned parents like you, we've become convinced that you do not appreciate the power you have to raise healthy, drug free kids and how best to exercise that power. So we're writing a new book, Parent Power, to help you.
Despite the fact that alcohol and other drugs are readily available to teenagers, parents do have the power to raise drug free kids. We want Parent Power to address the questions, concerns and real life situations you parents and your teens face everyday.
Over the past 12 years, CASA surveys reveal that one third of middle school students and more than half of high school students attend schools where drugs are used, kept or sold at their school.
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I would discuss the situation with my child directly and honestly, without becoming judgemental or punitive. I would want to better understand their choice and its contextual sorroundings.
When we discovered that our sons were doing drugs and drinking in the 70’s, we thought that it was just a phase. We thought that we were a “perfect” family–eating together, vacations, sports, all the togetherness. Today, with all this information, let’s hope and pray that the kids will listen. One of my sons battles his addiction to this day. We have been through hell with him. Parents do things to help their addicted children that they never dreamed that they would. The best advice is to tell them not to start because that may be the beginning of the end of a good life.
My son was caught drinking (about 3 months before his 21st birthday). I took him off my car insurance and told him that if he was going to drink I was making sure he didn’t kill himself or someone else with my car. Since it was winter and he only had a motorcycle, this drastically restricted his movements.
I would try to have a calm conversation about it to determine the degree of the use, e.g. is it experimentation or more prevalent. Is the use involving cars and other risky behavior is it abuse or dependency? My further responses would depend on the answers to these questions. If neccessary I would engage professionals for help.
We confronted each one of them and most of the time it was happening with friends not by themselves. Misinformation was abound and the kids would rather believe each other than their parents. I likened it to sex ed when we were in school. Once they got the corrected information and with the advent of the internet so they could get the correct info or verify ours, their eyes were opened. Communication, open and honest is very key. Let them know where you stand and that it will not be tolerated and present a united front and follow through on what will happen if it happens again. I have 3 who have tested the limits and experimented for a number of years before stopping altogether, a couple who never did get into that scene at all and one who still battles with it every day.
My son spent a summer as a 15 year old periodically using marijuana at a friend’s house. I was suspicious so called the friend’s parent who denied it could be happening in their house, but when the parent asked a younger sibling found out it was true. I talked to both of the boys at our home (chose not to discuss it with the parent because their approach was very different from what I was comfortable with and they are also both very heavy weekend drinkers that don’t feel there is a problem with this). I told the boys how disappointed I was in their behavior, believed they were stronger than that, told them it would stop immediately but they were now going to be under my microscope until they were out of high school, and that I hoped they could rebuild my trust in them by stopping. When I talked to my son alone to find out if he was feeling anxious, depressed, or other reasons for why he was using it he just said they were trying it out (and of course gave all the arguments posted on the internet about how safe and non-addictive it is, how it should be legal like cigarettes, etc). I responded by telling him I expect him not to smoke cigarettes either and that no matter what the arguments pot is still illegal. At the end of a long tearful talk he admitted he wanted to stop because he was sick of losing friends. Thankfully in the next few months all those old friends started being around and calling more again and his friend that initiated the using came to me in their senior year of high school and thanked me for being stronger than his parents by not just punishing them, but rather talking about the emotional let-down they had been and giving them the belief that they could be stronger and better kids.
It never happened. But if it had happened before I quit drinking, I probably would have slapped his hands (figuratively speaking).
If it had happened after I got into recovery from my own addiction, and began to read about the damage alcohol, nicotine, marijuana, and other drugs do to teenagers, I would have taken him immediately to an addiction specialist for an early intervention.
I am a sinlge parent of a 17 year old boy. He has friends who drink/smoke pot, and we are neighbors as well. My son claims he doesn’t and is not interested in partaking. He still wants to spend time with them..Should I allow him to continue the assocation with them?
I am a parent of an 18 year old senior in High School.
We have taught him since he was very young about the dangers of drinking and smoking. We do not drink and quit smoking many years ago. He has begun occasional binge drinking and we have discovered that he periodically smokes marijuana and cigarettes. We have grounded him, taken away his car, etc. But it seems every time he starts to get a little freedom back, he goes back to this behavior. I don’t know what to do. He is 18 now and my husband is saying that maybe we should put him out of our home. Help!!
my 17 year old son will be turning 18 on may 20th.
He has changed so much it is hard to deal with him.
He yells and screams at me when he doesnt get what he wants or if I don’t agree with him. He teases me to make me mad and once in a while he does the same to his 2 year old sister.
His dad works from 5am to 7pm so during that time he refuses to do anything I ask with out an argument.
He makes me want to kick him out but I worry about his well being so much that I can’t
He takes advantage of me and I tell myself that I will not play with him anymore but it is hard
I really need to know what to do
My 18 yr old who has graduated from high school, now attending college I have found marijuana in his pockets and in back packs. But my biggest concern is he has a jar w/ a kinda more than usual amount for one who would just be smoking for themsleves or so I would think anyway. I have already explained I will not tolerate drugs in my home, friend in my home associated with drugs at all. But 2nd time in about 3 mos. finding marijuana….. My 1st thought is to take the keys to the 2 cars he has and take his house keys and maybe even ask him to leave. If it doesnt stop! What should I do?
Today.. i was looking in my brothers room.. and i think i found drugs… i dont know what to do… if i tell on him he will hate me. but if i tell on him. he can get help.. i also saw a friend of hi saying something about getting high in his yearbook..
i need advise.. please. =[
My son came home with his friend and they had smoked a cigarette. I slapped his face to let him know smoking cigarettes will hurt him.
We had a 15 year old try some alcohol and it made him really sick, it happened at school of all places. He got expelled for two weeks, and he had to write bunches of apology letters to staff and other parents. Pretty harsh consequences, probably won’t happen again. Smoking doesn’t seem to be an issue since they are both distance runners.
First time: conversation, increased time together as a family, a session with a therapist.
Second time, which also involved catching our daughter coming home at 3am, having snuck out of the house at 11pm: conversation, grounding, weekly Friday night family nights, insistence that she join a sports team (that turned out to have been a great idea), insistence that she join student government at school (another good idea — she met some new friends and felt part of things more.)
Third time, two years later, when she turned 18, and after 2 years of nonuse of durgs/alcohol): She refused to promise she’d not use pot, refused to promise not to keep drug stuff in the house, refused to honor family rules. She left the house and went from friend’s house to friend’s house for 2 months, trying to wait us out so we’d let her live at home and smoke/drink as she pleased.
Now, another 2 years later; she’s in rehab for all sorts of junk: She has thanked us for “buying her time” in high school, when she stayed sober. She has educational and career options because she did not become addicted until after she’d been accepted into an Ivy League school. Now she’s in rehab trying to figure out what the appeal of that stuff was. We’d probably do what we did before, BUT also bring her for an addiction evaluation when she was a sophomore. We’d also probably have gone to Al-Anon ourselves then.
I did not know my son had a problem with drugs and drinking. Me and my husband is in bed by 8:00 everynight except Saturday nights, because that is my girls night out. He would stay up until 3:00 and sleep the next day until it was time to go to school. He was 21 in collage. One night I came how from girls night out at 11:45 p.m I am always home by midnight. My son was messed up and started yelling at me. He said some things that hurt me, so I told him that he needed to get his own place and pay all his own bills. He then HIT me hard in the arm. I did not thinks, I just started punching him like the bag at the gym, then I kicked him under his knee and took him down and started choking him from behind. He is 3 times my weight. My husband came running down the stairs and pulled me off him. The next day he was put in a 28 day rehab. Later I found out that he was doing all kinds of things. Stealing all kind of pill out of my purse. drinkings andything he could get his hands on. Smoking. He was doing this after we went to bed. He drank anything off the bar and added water too it. He took pills he did not know what it was. If it was in my purse he took it. I had pain pills for my back, did not know any were gone, because I only took it when I needed it. He also took estrogen not knowing what it was. yeast meds. Drinkning Gin, Adrial, pot. He is better not.