More than 15 years of CASA* research on teens and substance abuse finds that a child who gets through age 21 without smoking, using illegal drugs or abusing alcohol is virtually certain never to do so and that the greatest influence on teens is parents. Over those years, from thousands of emails, letters and calls from concerned parents like you, we've become convinced that you do not appreciate the power you have to raise healthy, drug free kids and how best to exercise that power. So we're writing a new book, Parent Power, to help you.
Despite the fact that alcohol and other drugs are readily available to teenagers, parents do have the power to raise drug free kids. We want Parent Power to address the questions, concerns and real life situations you parents and your teens face everyday.
CASA’s annual National Survey of American Attitudes on Substance Abuse finds that over one-third of parents surveyed feel it is very likely or somewhat likely that their teenager will try an illegal drug in the future.
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It has been a number of years since we had to deal with this issue but if it was today I would do the same thing I did back then. When our son and daughter were 13 and 14 we discussed substance and the effects of addiction. We openly talked about our own recovery. When our daughter started college she went ot her first frat party and drank a wine cooler. She felt real funny and called us to talk about her experience. We reassured that she was not a addict. When she told her peers that she had called and talked to us about her experience they were amazed that we had that open communication. Our son decided that he wanted to experiment with substance and when he was nineteen he experience legal consequences and we confronted this behavior in the following way. We told him that he could choose help in a treatment center or leave the house. He decided that he would go to treatment and than tried to back out three times. We stuck to our guns and he entered and completed treatment. Following his treatment he went to live in recovery housing to develop some sobriety. He has now been sober for 16 years.
In 1990 I coordinated a college grant to try and reduce substance use on campus. The standard fare in those days were providing a milk toast cognitive educational effort. Those fellow schools that followed this approach found that the post survey demonstrated no change in use pattern. I believed than and still do now that if you want to make a difference concerning substance you have to deliver a message that generates an emotional response in those that are the enablers of the users and potential addicts. I focused an educational program on the enablers on campus with the following theme “If someones use or abuse of substance causes one tear to form on the cheek of a love one than there is a problem and you can live with the problem or demand change.” We had signs that said one tear is too many. The post survey show a reduction in heavy general drinking and we had a ten fold increase in student seeking counseling because their significant other said they were tired of their getting drunk. Substance is used to change how someone is feeling, so a cognitive approach won’t solve an emotional problem. It will take an emotional solution to affect change in people who drink or use to adjust how they feel about themselve.
As parents when our teens start “acting up” our first inclination is to enforce rules and regulations. But rules and regulation without relationship breeds rebellion. First reestablish the relationship (things have changed since they were children) then implement the rules along with their input.
Punishment doesn’t work. Parents have to find out why their child used and what they think about alcohol and other drugs, then combat the misperceptions with facts, with things they know from their own experience and things they learn from going to the experts, like http://www.JoinTogether.org, http://www.TimetoTalk.org, SAMHSA.gov, and all the other valuable sites there are out in internet world. But don’t go to a beer site to get prevention information or strategies. Remember, advertising lies and beer companies with web sites are just big advertising sites.
Having done my own research on both parents and teens, I know that the everyday world if full of misinformation.
When I found out my daughter had experimented with alcohol I waited until the following day for her to sober up. I asked her where did she get the alcohol from. She told me that a couple of her friends brought the beer at a small deli twenty minutes from my house. I had my daughter make a list of the pro’s and con’s of her drinking. How did she feel? Why she did it? The following weekend my husband told the kids he was taking them to visit their grandparents. While everyone was out of the house I went to the deli and waited outside. When I saw teenagers going inside the deli I went in. The teenagers brought beer and cigarettes and not once was anyone asked to show ID. I reported the incident to patrol car in the neighborhood and a few weeks later the deli was closed.
When I realized that my then 17 year old daughter was using drugs, I demanded a alcohol and drug evaluation. Interestingly enough because she had not been using but a couple of months her evaluation stated she was in danger of chemical dependency. I was mortified, what part of using crystal meth is not a danger? I didn’t allow her to live at home. That was very hard to do, yet I knew I had to protect my younger daughter. Six months later she was arrested and learned very quickly the consequence of her choices. She was mandated to treatment and today is 24 and clean and sober.
We tried absolutely every recommended technique to keep our child away from drugs. For one child, it all failed. For the other, it worked perfectly. One inherited the disease of addiction. Until science comes forth with some great medicine, only faith in God will help her. For my other teen, all of the talking, the family dinners, the warnings, the education - it all worked.
I found my son in a pool of vomit in his bedroom, When I asked whether he dranlkbeer(Icould smell this from the vomit) he said mummy leave me alone this is part of growing. I still have to question him further and find out where he bought the beer or who gave him. The following day when I was washing his school uniform there was a leave they call spear wrapped in a newspaper. Iasked him why do you smoke spear, he said his friends must have put this in his shirt. Plain lies I guess. The following day a friend told me he saw him smoking. I am still looking for best method to handle the cases.