Despite the fact that alcohol and other drugs are readily available to teenagers, parents do have the power to raise drug free kids.We want Parent Power to address the questions, concerns and real life situations you parents and your teens face everyday.
CASA’s 2006 National Survey of American Attitudes on Substance Abuse finds that by the time a teen reaches 17, almost half will have attended a party at which teens were drinking alcohol, smoking pot, or using cocaine, Ecstasy or prescription drugs while a parent was present.
I focus on the facts: what the drugs are, how they impact the brain and central nervous system, and how they can impair judgement and intellectual functioning. I remind them that asking specific questions about my drug use behavior as an adolescent is a subterfuge, as it does not address the here-and-now issues of what choices they are making about their bodies and their life.
I hope you don’t try to reinvent the wheel, but try to encorporate and cite all the VERY GOOD material that already exists.
“Talking with kids about tough issues” is a great web site on just this topic. http://www.talkingwithkids.org/first.html
I posted it on our County “for parents” info section at
http://www.co.multnomah.or.us/dchs/mhas/alcohol_drug_basics.shtml#for_parents
Most important, the PARENT TRAINING “strengthening families for kids 10-14″ (SFP 10-14) has been identified as THE ONLY EFFECTIVE PREVENTION PROGRAM by the prestegious “cochrane collaboration” and is being implemented NATIONALLY in England, Poland and elsewhere. We’re doing it in Oregon also. Here’s background on this program that CUTS DRUG USE IN HALF
http://www.co.multnomah.or.us/dchs/mhas/sfp_10-14_promo.pdf
Anyone interested in parent power should be URGING all groups interested in the subject to IMPLEMENT THIS PROGRAM for ALL 6th grade parents. With VOLUNTEER GROUPS, it can be done at low cost. Otherwise it costs close to $1,000 per family.
I found as my son and daughter aged, that I gave them more information regarding my abuse and consequently, my addiction. The most important concept I encourage other parents to adhere to is honesty. That does not mean you have to give your child the whole story of your use/abuse; it’s o.k. to admit that you are not ready to share everything just yet and be sure to follow-up with them at a later time. I have to admit, that neither of my children know my whole story; not because I have something to hide rather because they are that interested in the fine details. Both of them have asked questions about my history as they were ready to know more.
Meanwhile, talk with other trusted friends about how they handle this conversation with their child. Or as Larry suggests above, go online and read parenting tips.
I was a child of the Sixties and I told my daughter all the horror stories that I had heard. Because she has a cousin with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, she knew that drinking during the childearing years was bad. I told her about the marijuana “munchies”…that people get very hungry after smoking marijuana. Being a girl, she did not want to gain extra weight. I told her about the side reactions to different drugs. She has allergies to begin with and did not want any other reactions to strange chemicals.
When she asked if I had done any drugs, I told her the truth and that was I was too afraid that my own allergies could make my reactions to drugs much worse than usual.
Her father and I were both in graduate school and we also did not have any money to experiment. We tried to emphasize the extremely large amounts of money it takes to support any drug habit and the lengths that some teens go to earn it.
I did have a smoking problem but once she heard about the weight gain after quitting, I believe that and the high cost of cigarettes completely turned her off of that legal drug.
One thing the research has found in the last few years is that the consistent use of drugs blunts the brain’s ability to enjoy the things that once gave it pleasure. So, the use of drugs would ruin things like walks with the dogs, fishing with her father, working in the garden and helping me with crafts and volunteer work. I don’t feel she ever wanted to give those things up.
My son had inherited his father’s bipolar - I have been in recovery for sever major depression for 35 years (working on my doctorate now) and I had a conversation with my son early on (age 7) that folks need to understand what and why they are doing the things that they do (drinking, drugs) and not just do it cause everyone else is.
Then in pre-adolescence I explained that either he could manage his bi-polar or IT WOULD MANAGE HIM. Since he was a very intelligent young man I had all the faith in the world that he would make good choices. He tried marijuana and discovered that it exacerbated his symptoms. He opted for medication management and now is living on his own self sufficient, obtained his GED (after dropping out of high school - because they “didn’t get it”) and I am very proud of him - he is 19 and will be 20 this June.
Living in recovery from a severe mental illness is more about modeling and showing the children that substance use and abuse is a choice (a wrong choice). We would have open dialogues about what we heard on the news, youths deciding every day to ’screw up their lives” as my son puts it.
Making choices and using your voice is a lot about empowerment and the support of parents to take your young rebel and shape them into a strong advocate.
Thanks for the opportunity to post.
Jean Wood,MA,CRSS
I have tried to be honest with my kids about my past and the substantial losses and risks that go along with substance use. I try to do it in way that isn’t designed to scare but is even handed and true to life.
I would like to build on Larry suggestions and recommend that parents also visit timetotalk.org and get helpful tools and resources from the Partnership for a Drug-Free America.
You can sign up for free monthly e-newsletters and get exclusive access to great tools such as “Answering the question: did you do drugs?” and “Ten ways to get the conversation going.”
I believe in honesty with my children and to give them simple answers and not necessarily the whole story the first time they ask a question. If they say everyone else is then I say, “get me their parent’s phone numbers and I will call and check with them”. Works every time. Each child came home from school with a story eventually that would lead to the discussion of drugs if the parent’s have that communication time for their children to share. If not a the dinner table, maybe in the car. For one it was second grade, for another it was the 5th and so on.
I have always been very honest with my son. When he asks what is the difference between pot and alcohol, my response is one is legal and the other is not. Both alter the perception and neither one is good for you. I do not smoke, drink, or use drugs. However, in high school I did drink quite a bit. I have always told my son the truth about it. How stupid it was and how crazy we were. The fact that we did not get seriously injured or killed was a miracle. And I also let him know, that since I did do alot of things, I have it more dialed in, and am more aware, that yes, he is a good kid, but even good kids screw up. I try to always be on the look out for something that may be up, and I use every opportunity to talk to him about it. I started talking to him about it when he started school, 5 or 6.
Question: “Did you smoke (drink, huff etc) when you were young?
Answer: “Interesting question. I wonder why you ask?”
Open the door with two-way communication.
Research clearly shows that MOST TEENS don’t drink or use other drugs. CASA, CADCA, NIAAA, NIDA, etc. all do research that shows that kids don’t usually start to try alcohol or cigarettes, or other drugs until near the end of highschool or the beginning of college.
50% of kids who drink before turning 15, become addicts. That is probably because they have a family history of addiction (which they may not know about) and are predisposed to want to escape reality through any means possible. Alcohol is the most common choice. But early intervention, by a doctor or other specialist with credentials in addiction treatment, may be able to prevent addiction before it gets a strangle hold.
This one is sooo easy. The pot they are smoking today is genetically and chemically altered to have up to 5x more THC in it than it had in the 80’s….let alone the 60’s! IT is strong stuff! And you can tell them how there are researchers working to make it more potent and more addictive so they have clients for life!
How is it different than alcohol? Well for one thing the alcohol goes through the body in 24 hours. The THC is fat-soluable and remains in the urine up to 45 days and fatty tissue for years. That means them more toxic the fatty tissue becomes the greater the risk factors are for creating all kinds of health issue. Not to mention that anytime to burn fat you release those toxins back into the bloodstream…which can cause cravings. Ever wonder why kids today crave POT? I think this is one of the main reasons they can’t stay away from it. Its way more addictive now.
For me it is very easy, because my idea is that as a parent YOU have to be a good example, and how can you be that it you drink (especially in front of the kid). So I don’t drink. However I smoke tobacco and have got the question about that from my daughter. What did I say? I smoke cigarettes because I am addicted to it, I am stupid and let me tell you how it effect me. I use 700$ a month on it, I can’t work as much as I want as I HAVE to go and smoke outside, this makes me a worse emploiee than none-smokers. I smell or taste bad when I kiss” So if you want to do that you should smoke, if not you should not, it is up to you” The point here is that I was honest what is the effects of the cigarettes and then let my daugther make her own choise. I think it is important to give all data and then let a person choose him/her self.
Alcohol is our top main killer of people today. Alcohol is also legal. Did you know that there is not one recorded death caused by marijuana? Go ahead, do the research because it is true. So why do we continue to let alcohol be legal when we know drinking and driving is a killer? I grew up in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s and did smoke pot at the time. I am not saying we should let our kids smoke pot or make it legal, just let us understand that alcohol, a legal item, kills every day either by driving, by liver damage or alcohol poisoning. Parents were involved in my life growing up so what happened? Yes mothers and fathers are both working so now we just have to work harder as parents to keep marriages together along with family time together and the involvement in the schools. My parents were involved in the community as well as PTA. Our lives aren’t that crazy that we can’t change our daily habits.
Some answers would be the following:
We didn’t use drugs when we were young.
Marijuana is illegal,
Marijuana is even more potent than in the past, making it even more addictive.
Marijuana is well known as a “gateway drug” to further drug dependency.
hey guys, i would just like to know how do you help a 7 year old child with fas that actually hides and smokes. she says she wishes for the cigarette. this is one of the kids that my mom is fostering. she is a good child but she is very manipulative and sly. this kid actually waits to see if she can see my mom and then she lights up. it’s funny at the time but my mom really tries to handle the situation but i think she doesn’t have the resources also she is one of 3 kids my mom took out of the home because they were going to split them up. give me a shout if you have any ideas on how to handle the situation. thanks